How did it turn out like this?
A very handy tool, would be one that records your thoughts as you’re thinking them. I’m sure, like every other thought I have ever had throughout my life, I share this with many others.
Optimum Rewards is pretty awesome to have. Free movie tickets every Tuesday and a huge discount every other day at Clearview Cinemas. I don’t mind that they chose this particular movie franchise because, unlike AMC and Lowes, they tend to play many indie and foreign movies.
When I was with my Ex, we used to go all the time to Allwood or The Montclair theater. It was one of my favorite things to do. And not even because it was free, and not even because I was spending time with him. I loved it mostly because of what I would experience through watching these films. Everything else was simply a plus.
Of course after him and I split, I stopped going. Mostly because there are no Clearview theaters in North Bergen. And mostly because he had my Optimum card. Which of course I told my father to replace, and in doing so, made the one my Ex had invalid.
Luckily I guess for me, I was hired as an Office Administrator in Hoboken. Luckily I guess for me, this made me soon discover that Hoboken had a Clearview theater of their very own. I’ve gone a handful of times already with friends and with my siblings. It’s safe to say that watching films, actually paying attention to the storyline, the character development, just every little detail that someone’s imagination produced, is one of my favorite pastimes.
A friend, or rather a somewhat close acquaintance of mine is, at this very moment, celebrating their birthday. I was genuinely excited to go, well knowing that some of my friends and other acquaintances would make an appearance. Some who I haven’t seen in quite some time. But time wise, work wise and financially wise, I made the tough decision of not attending this would-be fun shindig.
As I rode the Lightrail home, thinking of all the little chores that I have been avoiding to do and could now possibly do with this free time, it occurred to me that today was in fact Tuesday: free movie night. Currently I do not have a cell phone.
I’ve been having terrible luck with technology, which had rendered me thus. I only have an iPod touch which a friend of mine graciously bestowed upon me at a generous price. Which of course does not have Internet access of its own. I was in a bit of a bind since I could not look up showtimes for Hoboken theater, and the stop was quickly approaching.
I noticed the girl sitting in front of me had her iPhone out, so with no time to spare I asked her if she could look up the showtimes for me. She was very kind and as she was inputting the information into her Fandago app, I noticed wrist tattoos. One saying Grace and the other saying Genuine in a tasteful orange color. Of course I told her they were pretty neat and showed her my Strength Infinity tattoo on my wrist. Can’t wait to get my Courage Infinity tattoo on my other wrist. I’m thinking either Friday or Saturday.
According to the app, there was a 9pm showing of Frankenweenie and it was 8pm. I thought that having roughly an hour to kill wasn’t that bad so I made the internal decision of seeing the movie.This girl, unfortunately I never got her name, seemed interesting enough that I wanted to get to know her. She also looked like Lena Dumham. Enough that I actually thought it was her for a moment and got excited.
I told her that I had 2 free movie tickets and asked if she also had some free time and perhaps wouldn’t mind spending it with a stranger in a dark room watching a beautiful Tim Burton movie.
As expected, but I hoped wouldn’t be the case, she politely denied my offer, but with good reason. Apparently, since she was sitting in the row in front of me, I was unable to see that she was pregnant. “I’m so tired I’m counting the minutes before I can hit my bed (giggle)”
I immediately congratulated her and gave her a genuine smile.
[This Stop. 9th Ave]
I got up, wished her luck and walked off the train. As I began my 10 minute journey alone, I suddenly had the realization that she might have taken my offer as a pick up line. The thought tickled me and I began to imagine her point of view of this encounter. She might have thought I was flirting with her.
Clumsily I gave the girl behind the counter at the theater my Optimum card only to realize that, not only has Frankweenie been sold out, but there was never a 9pm showing in the first place.
Oh? Really? Damn..haha, well..kay bye! :)
FUCKING CUNT LIED TO ME. I JUST WALKED ALL THE WAY OVER HERE IN THIS COLD AND FOR WHAT?!!!!??!!! I HOPE THAT BABY KEEPS YOU UP ALL NIGHT AND GIVES YOU NAUSEA!!! ………. well I guess it’s a good thing she didn’t come with me. How embarrassing would it have been if someone else was here….sigh. I hope I catch the next train in time. Fuck I wish I remembered my scarf.
Sulkily, I made my way back to the 8 block walk back to the train station. All the time wondering how my night would have been if I had just gone to that bar instead. Maybe I shouldn’t have cared so much of how I was dressed, how my hair looked, how my make up looked and just gone. Maybe had a drink or two and some laughs. Or maybe I should have never gotten off the train and simply went home to do all those chores that are still left undone.
Did any of this have any meaning? Was something eventually going to happen to me? I was beginning to feel lonely. I began to think that maybe I was just going to stay alone. Maybe life is done giving me chances to love and be loved by someone. Maybe life was telling me I made the wrong decisions. Strayed off my path and it wasn’t going to give me any more chances. This is it. Deal with it.
Now how the fuck did wanting to see Frankenweenie turn into this depressing pity walk? Well…I guess Tim Burton wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, in a sense. i just want to meet someone…
Blame the light posts. Blame the shadows. Blame my farsightedness. But when I looked across the street towards the train, I thought I saw someone in a black hoodie [much like I myself was wearing, along with my leather jacket<3] standing beneath the corner light post.
I know to most, the sight of someone in a hoodie doesn’t sound ideal, but all I was thinking was
If only I can get close enough to see their face. Maybe they’re cute. Maybe they will catch my gaze and smile. Maybe something might happen…
Admittingly, I got excited thinking this might have been the reason why….and as if my self-esteem wasn’t battered enough, the closer I got, the clearer I saw that there was nobody standing there.
There was simply a light post… I was standing on that corner alone. Simply hoping that maybe someone would see me, think I was interesting and would want to get to know me…
As I crossed the street, I noticed a car racing up and for a moment, I thought of just standing there and letting it hit me.
[The train to Tonnelle Avenue is now arriving]
I hopped back on, searching for a face, sat back down, covered my face and began to type….
How did it turn out like this?